Postpartum: Tales from the PUMP - Part One: "Things my Pump says"

New Series: Tales From the PUMP

There have been about a million-zillion times kadrillion things going on in our life! I cannot keep up with just about anything, so of course what hair-brained idea do I have? Start a blog series.. totally makes sense right? No, but for real, writing is my outlet; my how do we say, "only thing in all the world that keeps me sane at the very end of my breaking point?" You know, no pressure, or anything like that. 

Lately, I think my struggle is that I feel so alone. (Not alone like no one likes me, everybody hates me, I guess I'll go eat worms.) It's just that I feel like I go through my whole day surrounded by people who don't get ME and my struggles. The Mom-Life is a game changer. My day-to-day goals are different than a lot of folks, so here in the blog-o-sphere I know I have a whole group of Pumping Mommas already rooting for me. (I know because you pin my post about pumping and storing milk all the time - Thanks friends!) 

All that word vomit was simple to introduce my new series: TALES FROM THE PUMP 

Part One: Things My Pump Says

If you are a breastfeeding mom who has never pumped, we all applaud you for your hard work. Heck, even if you are a mom who formula feeds, we still applaud you - this mommy stuff is hard! But reality is you just aren't going to understand this post. You won't find it funny. You won't find it relevant. And you sure aren't going to hear the phantom whooshing in your head as I describe it. 

However, chances are you are reading this because you ARE in fact a pumping momma. Whether that be an EP'er like I was with kid #1 or a pump/nursing mom like I am doing now with kid #2. 

My pump, let's just call him "Pump" (because the creativity in my naming skills is clearly boundless... See my stuffed animal collection full of "Blue Dog," "Clown Bunny," and "Peppermint Cat" for clear proof of this skill), well, Pump, he talks to me. When I am exhausted Pump tells me CRAZY things! #mypumptalks

The other night I'm on the phone with my best friend chatting away - she cuts me off mid-sentence, totally unlike her, and exclaims loudly, "are you pumping?" She's not the type to be easily offended, so I was sort of taken aback at her shout. I replied that I was, and I could hear the edge of what sounded like PTSD in her voice. "I knew I could hear it! I thought I was having flashbacks." Flashbacks she said because it is a part life-saver, part torture device. We laughed and went right back to talking, but that's how it is. You will forever be able to hear that faint whoosh-whoosh in the back of your head. 

I am about 7.5 months postpartum. Just about getting my groove back. Baby is mostly sleeping through the night. Things are getting back to normal, but Pump and I we still hang out every morning before work, every day at lunch, and every night before bed. (This is such a cut back from the days of pumping 8 times a day when I was initially EP'ing for monster Moose.) 

I can hear ALL kinds of crazy things from dear old Pump: #thissucksthissucksthissucks - Okay, I am the worst PUN-master you'll ever meet. I crack myself up (This is a helpful skill as a high school English teacher because talk about tough crowd), but this one is one of my favorite things old Pump has ever said. The irony was so everywhere! Get it because it sucks to pump and literally the pump is sucking... Another variation on this theme is when he says "I suck, I suck..," but we won't even touch that with a 10 foot pole.

#hellohellohello - I think Pump likes to greet meet with a good morning, but that is too advanced for his vocabulary so instead it's just hello on repeat until I hear the next crazy thing. 

And I swear lately, Pump is quoting Shakespeare at me... Okay this is likely because I am exhausted and teaching Julius Caesar in class. #ettuettuettu (Et Tu, Brute?) Seriously, why can't we just stab Caesar???

Or how about #redrumredrumredrum Pump, why you be so creepy like? [sic]. Yeah, I don't know why it tells me this, but this one is a frequent re-occurrer! 

Moral of the story here: Pumping Mommas, you aren't alone. I'm not alone (or so I hope)! Remember to feed the baby not the freezer... More next time in Part Two: Places I've Pumped.