Thursday, October 23, 2014

Postpartum: Confessions of a Breastfeeding Mom

As I begin this post, it's 2 o'clock in the morning, and yes, you guessed it I'm nursing a baby! Baby, aka tiny hunger monster.  My little monster eats every hour to two hours. The rare three hours between feedings (and you know I mean from the start of one feeding to the start of another), well that rare three hours is like the freaking golden snitch of breastfeeding. Cluster feedings can strike at any moment. Why am I making breastfeeding sound like either a wizards game for fun or a war zone? Because those are probably better metaphors than anything motherly.

Breastfeeding is both magical and challenging all at the same time. 

Confession #1: I love that I am able to breastfeed. 

There are so many women in this world who can't (or won't) breastfeed their children. The evidence supporting it is overwhelming, and yet, some women still can't find it in themselves to make the sacrifice. I genuinely believe that it is a blessing that I am able to feed my son in this way. 

Confession #2: Breastfeeding is more convienent than bottle feeding (for me).

When you start bottle feeding, there are dishes and expenses (if you are using formula)! In public, you have to cart bottles and coolers. If it's breastmilk, you have to worry about heating, spoiling, saving the milk... If it's formula, you have to prepare the bottle. Breastfeeding requires no setup, no prep, nothing is spoiling. All I have to do is pop kid on. Now, that ain't always easy lol, but I'll take awkwardly figuring out my bra and a latch over dishes and the wrrrr of my breast pump anyday! 

Confession #3: I really do love hogging the baby. 

No one else can give him what I can. With my first son that felt really overwhelming. I was the only person who could feed him, and I felt like I never got a break. With baby number two, I realize how fast the time goes. They don't stay little snuggle machines for long, and I can't help that I adore being able to have required time with him. Of course at some point, I will have to pump. I will have to leave him for a few hours, but for now, I'm hogging this kid while I can. 

Confession #4: I am way more tired than I let on. 

My darling husband is working and doing extra to care for our toddler of 18 months. I feel terrible getting him to take baby in the night. Nights are really hard on me, and I'm really not sleeping much. Daytime naps are out of the question when I have both kids around, and sweet baby doesn't like to settle down and sleep until the afternoon - when Moose comes home. So if you see me out, it's because putting the baby in the car seat is sometimes the only feeding break I will get, and better to be out than trapped at home with an unsatisfiable monster. Also, I might be delirious- that's totally normal, right? 

Confession #5: I am terrified that he will prefer a bottle to me.

The first time around I was completely relieved when my son took a bottle. It was a break. It meant I could focus on me and let someone else care for our son. Breastfeeding hurt, and it was a welcome break from constant pain. This time is completely different! Baby boy is nearly a month old, and I am beyond terrified that I will end up an exclusive pumper again. I don't want to live with a pump permanently attached to me, and I don't want my snuggle bunny to choose a bottle instead of one on one bonding time with momma. I have to let this one go pretty quickly because I have to go back to work at some point and because I have to leave him somehow. Ahhh- say a prayer for us! 

There ya have it! Random late night confessions of a nursing momma. 

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